9 Signs of a Narcissistic Mother & How to Move on

narcissistic mother signs

A narcissistic mother is one who feeds off the attention and admiration of her child. She may be overinvolved, suffocating, and critical, or she may be emotionally distant and aloof. Narcissistic mothers’ signs often show they have difficulty being supportive, preferring instead to compete with their children for attention.

As a result, children of narcissistic a parent often feel unsupported and unimportant. They may also find themselves constantly seeking approval and validation from their mothers. Narcissistic mothers can have an unfavorable effect on relationships, and it is particularly harmful to children. A narcissistic mother will often neglect her children’s emotional needs in favor of her own.

This can lead to the child feeling unloved, unsupported, and insecure. Additionally, a narcissistic mother may use her children as a prop or device to meet her own needs. This can result in the child feeling like they are not good enough or that they are only valued for what they can do for their parent.

Toxic mothers can be very difficult to deal with. They can be extremely self-centered, demanding, and critical. They may also be manipulative and controlling. Narcissistic mothers will put their own needs above those of their children. As a result, their children may grow up feeling neglected and unimportant.

A child growing up with a covert narcissist will struggle to understand their own personality and develop a sense of self. This is because the toxic mother may project her own desires and expectations onto the child, leaving little room for the child to explore and learn about their unique qualities.

The child’s achievements may be met with jealousy instead of praise, as the narcissistic mother perceives them as competition rather than a reason to celebrate.

In some cases, a child may even develop a personality disorder themselves, as a result of the constant emotional manipulation and neglect from their narcissistic mother. It is important to recognize these signs and seek professional help if necessary.

It can be very challenging for a child to break free from the hold of a narcissistic mother, but with therapy and support, they can learn to heal from the trauma and form healthier relationships in the future.

The term “covert narcissist” is used to describe a person who may not display overt signs of narcissism but still possesses the same underlying traits. A covert narcissist mother may be particularly difficult to identify because she may appear loving and caring on the surface.

However, emotional manipulation and self-centered behavior are still present, often disguised as concern or selflessness. This can make it difficult for a child to recognize the true nature of their mother’s personality disorder and may lead to confusion, self-doubt, and a distorted sense of reality.

the challenges of growing up with a covert narcissist mother. A young child, of diverse descent and gender, stands in the foreground, looking confused and lost. Behind the child, a silhouette of a dominating mother casts a large shadow over the child. The mother's shadow projects images of her own desires and expectations, like trophies, academic certificates, and other symbols of success. These projections overlap and overshadow the child, symbolizing the child's struggle to understand their own personality. In the background, there's a faint image of a therapist's office, representing the hope and importance of seeking professional help.
narc mother signs

Overcoming the Effects of a Narcissistic Mother has on Your Life

Because of the prolonged exposure to a narcissistic mother, the adult child might face numerous challenges in their life. One of these challenges is establishing and maintaining healthy relationships.

A child who has grown up with a narcissist as a mother may find it difficult to trust others, as they have experienced manipulation and emotional neglect throughout their life. This can lead to the adult child being hesitant to form deep connections with others, fearing that they will be taken advantage of or hurt in the same way.

Another aspect of life that may be affected is the adult child’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Due to the constant need for validation from their narcissistic mother, the child may struggle to find their value and worth outside of their mother’s approval.

This can lead to an ongoing cycle of seeking validation from others, which can be detrimental to their mental health and overall well-being. The adult child must recognize these patterns in their life and work towards breaking the cycle by focusing on their own needs, desires, and self-worth.

To post-narcissist recovery, it is essential to acknowledge the things that have occurred and how they have impacted the adult child’s life. By acknowledging the past, they can begin to heal and move forward.

Therapy can be a helpful tool in addressing the emotional trauma caused by a narcissistic mother, as it provides a safe space for the adult child to express their feelings and work through their experiences.

Group therapy, specifically designed for those who have dealt with narcissistic parents, can be particularly beneficial, as it allows individuals to share their experiences and gain support from others who have gone through similar things.

By actively working on healing, the adult child can overcome the effects of their narcissistic mother and lead a fulfilling, healthy life.

What is a Narcissistic Mother?

A narcissistic mother is a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder who is “self-absorbed, has a lack empathy, and has a grandiose sense of self-importance.

It is important to understand that not all narcissists are the same. There are different subtypes of narcissism, and a person’s behavior may vary depending on the type of narcissism they have.

A narcissistic mother may be more likely to engage in manipulation and control than other types of narcissists. This is because they are often trapped in narcissism and disconnected from their real self.

A Narcissistic mother may also be more likely to engage in Machiavellianism, which is a form of manipulation that involves using deception and manipulation to achieve one’s goals.

Narcissistic mothers who create high expectations may use their children as props to boost their egos. They may also manipulate their children emotionally to get what they want.

It is important to remember that not all narcissists are alike, and not all narcissistic mothers may exhibit all of these behaviors. Some (NPD) Mothers will enmesh their children into parental alienation while some will discard and abandon their children.

What Can You Do to Cope with a Narcissistic Mother?

Children of narcissistic parents often suffer from a range of issues, including low self-esteem, anxiety, low self-worth, and depression. They may also have difficulty forming healthy relationships.

While it can be difficult to cope with narcissistic abuse, there are some things you can do to manage the situation. First, it’s important to set boundaries. Make it clear what you will and will not tolerate from your mother. This may mean setting limits on contact, such as only speaking to her on the phone or only seeing her in person if she agrees to certain ground rules. (Better to Stay Away)

For children of narcissists, it’s also important to build a support system of family and friends who can offer unconditional love and understanding.

Finally, it’s helpful to seek professional help from a psychotherapist or embodiment coach who can provide guidance and support. With patience and effort, you can learn ways to cope with a narcissistic mother and begin the healing journey.

narcissistic mother
dismissive narcissistic mother

Parental Alienation Amongst Narcissistic Mothers

Parental alienation occurs when a child is exposed to a smear campaign of denigration by one parent against the other. This campaign of denigration often takes the form of negative comments and/or false allegations about the targeted parent.

Parental alienation can be damaging to the child, as it can create feelings of confusion, anxiety, and loyalty conflicts.

Studies have shown that parental alienation is more likely to occur among insecure self-centered mothers. This is likely because they are more likely to invalidate their child’s experiences and emotions.

Furthermore, they are more likely to be overly critical and dismissive of their child’s relationship with the other parent. As a result, the child may come to view the other parent in a negative light and may start to avoid or resist contact with that parent.

Signs Your Mother is Narcissistic

Gaslighting is a common telltale sign of narcissistic abuse. If you suspect your parents may have this disorder, it is essential to understand the signs.

A narcissistic mother may gaslight her child by denying their reality, telling them they’re imagining things, or making them feel as though they’re Going Crazy.

She may also blame them for her own bad behavior, tell them they’re worthless, or try to isolate them from friends and family. These tactics are used to control and manipulate her child, and to make them feel responsible for her happiness.

If you suspect your parent may be gaslighting you, it is important to validate your experience with someone you trust. Below are 9 more signs of a Narcissistic Mother:

She Lacks Empathy

Parents try to protect their children from pain, and they also feel pain when their children are in pain. They are attuned to their child’s needs to care for them appropriately. Unfortunately, parents sometimes are not aligned with their children, which can lead to feelings of guilt or shame.

However, a child of a narcissistic mother can feel invisible as their mother cannot see or understand the emotional needs of the child. The NPD mother will have no interest in the child’s needs.

She Will Gaslight You

Gaslighting can take many different forms, but it often presents as manipulation and psychologically abusive.

It’s intended to make someone feel crazy for having emotions, thoughts, and feelings outside what you want them to; this could be as simple as telling your partner everything they did wrong even when confronted with evidence against themselves or something more extreme such as lies about behaviors (even those proven otherwise), changing memories based on feedback from others instead self-awareness.

She Doesn’t Respect Her Childs Boundaries

Narcissistic mothers have a deep-seated need for control and power that they will often walk all over someone’s boundaries to get it. For example, if your mother has NPD she might claim “just being nice” after showing up at your house unannounced (after you’ve made clear how much warning needs practice).

Narcissistic parents feel they own their children, they do not see you as separate from them in your life journey.

She Seems To Compete With You

Many parents want what’s best for their children. However, some narcissistic mothers compete with their children and resent the youthfulness of their daughters.

More than anything else in life; as a result, she might either try to make them look bad by saying that they are “too vain” or stupid if she has any success at all herself (which unfortunately happens more often). She’ll also sabotage every chance she gets without thinking about how this will affect her later on down the road.

She Only Treats You Well in Public

The manipulation and betrayal of a narcissistic mother can take many forms. She might be cruel when nobody is looking, dismissing her, or largely detached from her life altogether but then show off how great everything has been for them by bragging about their accomplishments in front of other people (which could also mean loving affection isn’t coming from this person).

Unfortunately, these efforts often come at the expense of other’s needs rather than genuine concern – which leads back to more attempts to have something to prove through maintaining images both internally & externally

She Takes Advantage of Others

People with narcissism often avoid personal accountability and use other people to satisfy their needs. In addition, they bend societal rules for the sake of fitting into preconceived notions about how things work.

Some mothers are very manipulative. They always try to get a good deal for themselves, even if it means they have to lie or cheat. But sometimes they can’t follow through on their promises because they’re habitually emotionally unreliable.

Due to their immaturity, Narcissists don’t have great social skills so you won’t find them working hard at building close friendships.

She Often Acts as the Victim

During tough times, we all crave a little extra attention and understanding from those we love. However, for narcissistic mothers, these feelings can become overwhelming.

As a result, they may start to feel that they are unique and different from other people, which can lead to a sense of entitlement. gaslighting their children to get sympathy and attention.

For example, she might often complain about feeling singled out or misunderstood. If an adverse event happens, it may even seem like she revels in the drama it invariably brings. These actions can leave children feeling confused and feeling guilty.

She Lies Constantly

If you’re questioning what happened or she’s giving you conflicting stories, it might be gaslighting. This is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser deliberately tries to make the victim doubt. If you try to confront her about her lies, she’ll turn it around on you and say that *you’re* being dramatic.

She Tracks Everything She Does For You

Narcissistic mothers often view having children as a “great sacrifice.” As a result, they tend to keep track of everything they do for their children, both big and small.

From making breakfast in the morning to taking the kids to soccer practice, she’s likely to keep a tally of all the things she does for her children.

As you grew up, she may have guilt-tripped you into believing that you owe her for all that she provided for you. The truth is, however, that narcissistic mothers view their children as extensions of themselves.

They see them as a source of admiration and attention, and they often use them to stroke their own egos. As a result, their children end up feeling used and unappreciated.

If you have a narcissistic mother, it’s important to understand that her feelings of sacrifice are largely self-serving. And while she may try to make you feel guilty for not reciprocating her sacrificial love, you shouldn’t let her manipulation control your life.

What Can You Do to Cope with a Narcissistic Mother?

It is difficult to confront narcissism. It may appear impossible to cope with narcissism when it comes to your mother.

You may never have an ideal relationship, but you can take specific steps to protect yourself and honor your personal needs. While you can’t always control your mother’s actions, you can look out for yourself.

To do so, it is important to understand narcissism and how it may manifest in your mother. Narcissism is often characterized by a lack of empathy, an inflated sense of self-worth, and a need for constant attention and validation.

As a result, narcissists often seek out relationships in which they can be in control and feel superior. If you suspect that your mother may be a narcissist, you may not recognize her behavior as problematic.

After all, she is your mother and you love her. However, it is important to remember that narcissists often view other people as objects to be used for their gain.

As such, narcissists may belittle or dismiss your feelings and accomplishments, or try to control what you do and how you think.

If you find yourself a child of a narcissistic parent, it is important to set boundaries and nurture your self-worth. Remember that you are not responsible for your mother’s happiness only for yours.

child of narcissism
narcissistic mom signs

Tips You Can Use To Free Yourself:

Educate Yourself on Narcissism

Narcissism is a complex topic that the world of psychology is still trying to understand. Recently, they’ve found that there may be different types of narcissism.

Educating yourself on this condition may impact how you understand your mother’s behavior more objectively. For example, you may learn that she exhibits characteristics of both covert and overt narcissism.

Vulnerable narcissists have a deep underlying sense of insecurity and often feel worthless. They put up a front of being strong and invulnerable, but this is just a defense mechanism to protect themselves from being hurt.

On the other hand, grandiose narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and see themselves as superior to others.

They are often preoccupied with power and success, and they need constant admiration to boost their ego.

The more educated you are, the more you understand the effects of trauma and you will be able to decide the best course of action that is best for you.

No Longer Blame Yourself

Growing up with a narcissistic mother, you probably grew up feeling invisible, unimportant, and worthless. Your mother probably made you feel as though you could never do anything right.

You were constantly belittled, shamed, and condemned. As a result, you may have grown up truly believing that you were the problem. That isn’t the case. Children require love, respect, and compassion.

It’s important to remember that narcissistic personality disorder is a mental illness, and it’s not your fault your mother acted the way she did.

If you’ve been struggling with low self-esteem, remember that you are not alone and that you are not to blame. There is help available, and you can get better.

Create Firm Boundaries 

Boundaries are only as effective as your willingness to reinforce them. It’s important to think about your limitations, know them inside and out, and be able to express them clearly and concisely.

The first step is to get clear on what your boundaries are. What kind of behavior is acceptable, and what isn’t? What are your triggers?

What do you need to feel safe and respected? Once you have a good understanding of your limits, it will be much easier to communicate them to others.

It’s also important to remember that boundaries are not static; they can change over time as our needs and circumstances change.

Be prepared to reassess and adjust your boundaries as needed. And finally, don’t be afraid to enforce your boundaries when necessary.

If someone crosses a boundary, calmly and firmly remind them of your limit. If they continue to push, you may need to take further action, such as ending the conversation or walking away.

Setting boundaries can be difficult, but it’s worth it for the sake of your mental health and well-being.

narcissist mother signs
narcissist mother signs

Grey Rock

The “grey rock method” is a strategy often used by people who have to maintain some contact with a narcissistic individual but want to limit arguments or heightened emotions.

The basic idea is to be as uninteresting and bland as possible, like a grey rock. This may seem difficult at first, but it can be surprisingly effective.

By refusing to engage in arguments or drama, you deprive the narcissist of the attention they crave. Over time, they may become frustrated and give up trying to provoke you.

Of course, this method will not work in every situation. But if you find yourself regularly arguing with your mother or feeling drained after interactions with her, it may be worth giving the grey rock method a try.

Narcissists Cannot Change, Stop Trying

Instead of trying to change your mother, you may find it more helpful to focus on acceptance. This is your mother.

You can’t change what happened in the past, but you can focus on how you want to take care of yourself today and move forward.

By accepting your mother for who she is, you can begin to take steps to protect yourself from her abuse and start to build a better future for yourself.

Go N0 Contact

No contact can be a difficult decision to make, but in some cases, it may be the best option. If you have been the victim of abuse, or if your relationship is otherwise toxic, then breaking off all communication may be the best way to protect yourself.

By eliminating contact, you remove the opportunity for further hurt and pain. In addition, no contact can also help you to start to heal from the past.

Without your mother’s presence in your life, you can begin to work through the trauma you have experienced. No contact does not mean that you have to completely erase your mother from your life. It simply means that you are making a choice to protect yourself by keeping her at a distance.

Final Thoughts…

It’s not easy growing up with a narcissistic mother. You may have felt invisible, unimportant, or like you didn’t matter. As an adult, you may find it difficult to maintain a relationship with your mother that is both healthy and supportive.

That said, it is possible to learn how to move forward and prioritize your well-being. While you may not be able to change your mother, you can change how you respond, adapt, and take care of yourself.

One way to do this is to seek out online therapy or psychotherapy. This can help you to gain a greater sense of autonomy and self-awareness.

Additionally, mindfulness practices like meditation or yoga can help manage your stress and anxiety. By taking care of yourself, you can begin to heal the wounds of your past and build a brighter future.

Embodiment Coach Vishnu Ra
Vishnu Ra

Master Embodiment Coach | createhighervibrations.com

Vishnu Ra is a Reiki Master & meditation coach with an impressive background in deep meditation. He has spent countless hours delving into the mysteries of human consciousness, and he is passionate about sharing his wisdom with others. Vishnu is also an entrepreneur and truth seeker, always on the lookout for new opportunities to explore. When he’s not sitting in meditation or teaching workshops on mindfulness, Vishnu loves being by the ocean!