As a parent, your role in shaping your child’s self-esteem is crucial. Self-esteem is the foundation of a healthy and confident child, and it is something that will stay with them throughout their entire lives.

Historical trends show that the understanding of self-esteem has evolved significantly over time.

The self-esteem movement began gaining traction in the 1970s, marked by Nathaniel Branden’s influential book “The Psychology of Self-Esteem,” published in 1969.

This book signaled a shift in how self-esteem was perceived in psychological literature, moving from a less emphasized concept to a central pillar in child development.

As a parent, you have the power to significantly impact your child’s self-esteem, either positively or negatively.

By understanding the direct effect of your role and taking steps to support and nurture your child’s self-esteem, you can help your child grow into a confident and self-assured adult.

Self-esteem is a child’s sense of worth and value as an individual. It is developed over time through a combination of experiences, both positive and negative.

Children with healthy self-esteem feel good about themselves and their abilities, and they have the confidence to try new things and take on challenges.

A chart displaying the timeline of different parenting styles

On the other hand, children with low self-esteem may lack confidence, feel insecure, and struggle to cope with setbacks and challenges. It’s worth noting that research from the 1980s indicated that frequent parental criticism was a significant factor in the development of low self-esteem.

A study published in 1985 found that children who were constantly belittled by their parents had significantly lower self-esteem compared to those who received positive reinforcement.

You play a critical role in your child’s self-esteem development. From the moment your child is born, you are the primary source of love, support, and guidance. You are the one who sets the tone for your child’s interactions with the world and helps them develop a sense of identity and purpose.

One of the most powerful ways you can support your child’s self-esteem is through positive reinforcement and encouragement. This means praising your child for their efforts and accomplishments, rather than just their results.

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By focusing on the process and the effort your child puts in, rather than just the result, you can help your child develop a growth mindset and the belief that they can improve and succeed with effort and practice.

It’s also important to consider contemporary influences, such as digital media. A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found that excessive screen time and social media.

This was linked to lower self-esteem in children, underscoring the need for parents to monitor and balance their children’s digital activity.

It’s also important to remember that children learn by example. As a parent, you are a role model for your child, and your self-esteem and self-confidence can rub off on your child.

If you are confident and self-assured, your child is more likely to develop those qualities as well.

How do I know if My Child Has Low or High Self-esteem?

Children may begin to develop feelings of low self-esteem and low self-worth around the age of 10 for a variety of reasons. Some common causes include:

Exposure to negative or critical feedback from parents, caregivers, or peers
Comparison with others leads to feelings of inadequacy or inferiority
Exposure to unrealistic or unattainable standards of beauty, success, or achievement
Experiencing failure or rejection in academic, social, or extracurricular activities
Exposure to family or community conflicts, or other forms of stress or trauma

Can Self-Esteem Be “taught”?

Parents play a significant role in their children’s development and can help to prevent or alleviate feelings of low self-esteem and low self-worth. Some ways that parents can support their children’s self-esteem and self-worth include:

Providing positive, affirming feedback and praise for their efforts and accomplishments, rather than focusing solely on their shortcomings
Encouraging children to pursue their interests and passions, rather than pushing them to conform to societal expectations or norms
Helping children to develop a healthy sense of self-worth by focusing on their unique strengths and abilities, rather than comparing them to others
Setting realistic, achievable goals and providing support and guidance to help children achieve these goals
Encouraging children to be independent and to make their own decisions, rather than making decisions for them

It is important for parents to be supportive, caring, and understanding of their children, and to help them to develop a positive self-image and a healthy sense of self-worth.

Low Self-Esteem Runs in Families

Parents may pass their negative internal burdens onto their children in a variety of ways. For example, a parent who struggles with feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem may constantly criticize or belittle their child, leading the child to develop similar feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem.

A 2019 study highlighted that children of narcissistic parents were more likely to develop anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem due to the lack of empathy and constant need for admiration.

A parent who is overly anxious or stressed may project these emotions onto their child, leading the child to become anxious or stressed as well.

A child raised by a narcissistic parent may exhibit several specific behaviors as a result of this type of upbringing. Some common characteristics of children raised by narcissistic parents include:

Lack of self-confidence or self-esteem
Inability to set healthy boundaries or assert themselves
Difficulty expressing their own needs or feelings
Difficulty making their own decisions or thinking independently
Inability to cope with criticism or failure

These behaviors may be a result of the child being constantly overshadowed by the narcissistic parent, who may demand constant attention and admiration and discourage the child from developing their sense of self.

As a result, the child may become overly reliant on the approval of others and may have difficulty standing up for themselves or asserting their own needs.

Parenting Styles and Self-Esteem

Healthy parenting is extremely important for a child’s development, as it can have a profound impact on their emotional, social, and cognitive growth.

The Pew Research Center’s 2020 survey found that 71% of parents believed that their parenting style had a significant impact on their child’s self-esteem, emphasizing the importance of positive reinforcement and consistent discipline.

Some key characteristics of healthy parenting include:

Providing consistent and predictable care, including regular meal times, bedtimes, and other daily routines
Responding to children’s needs promptly and sensitively, including their emotional and physical needs
Setting clear boundaries and expectations for behavior, and providing consequences for behavior that is not acceptable
Encouraging children to express their emotions and thoughts, and providing a safe space for them to do so
Providing opportunities for children to learn and explore, and encouraging their interests and passions
Supporting children’s development of autonomy and independence, while also providing guidance and support as needed
Modeling healthy behaviors, such as empathy, communication, and problem-solving skills

Healthy parenting involves creating a supportive and nurturing environment in which children can grow and thrive.

It also involves being responsive and attuned to children’s needs and providing guidance and support to help them develop the skills and abilities they need to become happy, healthy, and successful adults.

The needs of a child can sometimes differ from the perceived needs of a parent. In some cases, parents may have certain expectations or beliefs about what is best for their child, based on their own experiences or values. However, these expectations or beliefs may not align with the actual needs of the child.

For example, a mother may want the child to hate their father for personal reasons, such as feelings of resentment or anger towards the father.

However, the child may have a strong emotional bond with their father and may not want to reject him. In this situation, the child’s need for a healthy relationship with their father may conflict with the mother’s desire for the child to dislike him.

This is one of the most destructive and hurtful parental behaviors society is currently facing.

Parents need to recognize and respect their children’s needs, even when those needs differ from their own.

Parents can support their children’s emotional well-being by listening to their concerns and feelings, and by providing a supportive and nurturing environment in which they can express themselves freely.

By doing so, parents can help their children to develop healthy relationships and a positive sense of self, regardless of any conflicts or differences that may arise.

The Narcissism Epidemic Highlights a Massive Disconnection in Parenting.

A narcissistic parent may struggle to see their child as an individual with their own needs, feelings, and desires. To begin recognizing and respecting their child’s individuality, a narcissistic parent may need to make some internal changes and adopt new behaviors.

If you are a Narcissist, a deeply insecure parent, or you know a narcissistic parent, this parenting style must end for the future of society to evolve!

Here are some suggestions for how a narcissistic parent can begin to see their child as an individual:

Practice empathy and try to see the world from the child’s perspective. This may involve asking the child about their experiences and feelings and listening to their responses without judging or interrupting them.
Set aside time to spend with the child without any distractions, such as phones or other devices. Use this time to engage with the child and learn about their interests and passions.
Encourage the child to express their thoughts and feelings, and validate their emotions. This may involve asking open-ended questions and providing a safe and supportive environment for the child to share their experiences.
Let go of any need to control the child or dictate their choices. Instead, provide guidance and support to help the child make their own decisions and learn from their experiences.
Be open to feedback and criticism from the child, and try to learn from it. This may involve asking the child how you can be a better parent and being willing to make changes based on their feedback.

Narcissistic parents need to be willing to change and prioritize their child’s well-being. By adopting these internal practices, narcissistic parents can begin to see their children as individuals and support their growth and development.

The responsiveness of a narcissistic parent will first depend on their ability to admit they are parenting from a narcissistic point in the first place. This will be challenging while also very evident to those who are non-narcissists.

When dealing with a narcissistic parent or a deeply insecure parent

If you are trying to explain the importance of respecting a child’s needs to a narcissistic parent, it may be helpful to approach the conversation in a compassionate and non-confrontational way.

Here are some tips for talking to a narcissistic parent about this issue:

Start by explaining your concern for the child’s well-being and happiness, and how their needs may be different from what the parent thinks is best for them.
Use specific examples to illustrate your points, such as describing a situation in which the child’s needs were not met or were not respected.
Avoid blaming or criticizing the parent, and instead, focus on the impact of the parent’s behavior on the child and the family as a whole.
Emphasize the importance of supporting the child’s development and helping them to grow into happy, healthy, and independent adults.
Encourage the parent to listen to the child’s perspective and to consider their feelings and needs.
Offer to provide additional support or resources, such as counseling or parenting classes, to help the parent learn healthy ways of interacting with their child.

It is great to approach the conversation in a way that is respectful and empathetic, while also being firm and clear about the need for the parent to prioritize the child’s well-being.

an image of a plant that represents healthy growth

The Development of Self-Esteem through Self-Aware Parenting.

It is absolutely important to raise children who are consciously aware of who they are, as this world is rapidly changing, and passing down generational trauma is no longer an option.

Raising children who are self-aware and self-confident can help them to navigate the challenges and uncertainties of the world and to develop the skills and abilities they need to succeed.

Some key benefits of raising self-aware children include:

Improved mental and emotional well-being, as self-aware children are more likely to have healthy self-esteem and to be able to cope with stress and adversity
Greater independence and autonomy, as self-aware children are better able to make their own decisions and think for themselves
Better relationships with others, as self-aware children are more likely to communicate effectively and empathize with others
Increased resilience and adaptability, as self-aware children are better able to cope with change and learn from their experiences
Higher levels of achievement and success, as self-aware children are more likely to set and achieve their goals

Raising children who are self-aware and self-confident is essential for helping them to thrive in a rapidly changing world.

By providing support, guidance, and opportunities for growth and development, parents can help their children to become conscious, self-aware individuals who are ready to meet the challenges of the future.

To raise self-aware and confident children, it is important for parents to first become self-aware and develop healthy confidence themselves.

This is because children often model their behaviors and attitudes after their parents, and parents who are self-aware and confident are more likely to provide a supportive and nurturing environment for their children’s growth and a healthy self-concept. (Arrogance is NOT healthy confidence)

Here are some ways that parents can become self-aware and gain healthy confidence:

Set realistic, achievable goals for yourself, and take small, consistent steps towards achieving those goals. This may involve breaking down large goals into smaller, manageable tasks, and celebrating your progress along the way.
Practice mindfulness and self-reflection, to gain a better understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This may involve setting aside time each day to quiet your mind and focus on your inner experiences.
Seek feedback and input from others, to gain a more objective perspective on your strengths and areas for growth. This may involve asking for feedback from friends, family, or colleagues, or seeking guidance from a coach or therapist.

Becoming self-aware and confident is an essential ingredient to ensure your children are supported in their journey of self-awareness and confidence.

The effects of parental involvement early in life cannot be overstated, as it can have far-reaching effects that support the growth and development of a child’s entire life.

Being open to self-improvement, growing and developing with purpose, and taking time for your well-being can help create the environment necessary for nurturing children into positive adults.

Taking on this journey can help both parents and children make strides toward a better future, filled with more self-empowerment and confidence than before.

Final Thoughts…

We hope that this article has inspired you to understand your role and the impact it has on your child’s self-worth, and self-esteem, and how this will create the trajectory of their entire life!

If you as a parent are struggling with your inner child, please check out my ebook “Healing Your Inner Child and Freeing your Warrior Inside.”

Namaste

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