Feelings of inadequacy in a relationship or general insecurities might really harm your connection. We understand they can originate from a past relationship and carry over into a new relationship, but we must ensure that we are in control of them so that we don’t self-sabotage our chances at love.
In this post, I’ll discuss how to deal with relationship insecurity, particularly how to handle your insecurities. Today’s theme is all about what happens when you allow anxiety and feelings of insecurity to dominate your decisions, thinking, and actions and they begin to harm your relationship.
Insecurities and anxiety are natural aspects of life. And, I believe, we frequently feel guilty for having them because we compare ourselves to others’ unions and assume that they are simply confident, thriving, and just flawless. But it’s time to have a reality check.
What happens is that if you haven’t dealt with past baggage or even present problems in your relationship, you may end up feeling like you’re not ‘good enough’ or that your partner will cheat on you (and even leave you!).
There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even if you’re not doing anything wrong, your insecurity may still be triggered. The problem, therefore, is: what can you do about it?
As an Embodiment Coach and self-development writer, I’ll share with you some things to keep in mind. But before that, let’s first look at what insecurity is all about.
The History of Insecurity in a Relationship:
I know it sounds ironic, but insecurity is essentially a defense mechanism that was designed to protect you.
I’ve dealt with numerous clients who had difficulties managing their connections as a result of insecurities caused by childhood trauma or even previous life events.
This allowed them to avoid taking responsibility for their feelings and to instead blame others for the negative beliefs that have been created from negative thought processes which slowly eroded their confidence.
So in order to truly overcome insecurity, you have to acknowledge it. If you don’t realize that the way you feel is because of your past history (or past life), there’ll be no motivation to change it or get over it.
Once you know what’s causing your fears and anxieties, then you can start working toward healing them.
Some of my clients feel like they’re too old to change. Well, if you’re reading this now, then I’m excited to tell you that it is never too late.
There is still hope if you want to improve your self-confidence while living a joyful life and no longer feeling insecure in your relationship.
Signs of Insecurity in Relationships
In a good relationship, both parties should feel safe and secure. However, as the connection develops, there will undoubtedly be certain factors that make one or both individuals start to feel insecure. This may create conflict in a romantic relationship.
Someone feeling loved and valued by their partner may notice the person’s lack of attention or affection, which can cause them to feel anxious, which will turn into seeking reassurance. As a result, this might create bitterness and defensiveness in the other person toward their spouse.
There may even come a time when either party decides to end the relationship as they no longer trust the foundation. There are a variety of things that you and your spouse can do to overcome anxiety in a relationship.
Fears and Insecurities are often caused by previous experiences. If you have been hurt before, chances are this will cause some worry and doubt in future relationships, especially if the new partner seems to be too good to be true.
Personal Insecurity is a way of protecting oneself from more pain in the future. You need to learn how to accept love for what it is and believe that you deserve someone who loves you unconditionally. This starts with acknowledging your lack of self-love.
People often make assumptions about their relationships based on the information given by others. If your friends, family, or strangers are saying things like “You’re whipped” or “He’s got another girl on the side”, this can cause you to think that your partner is treating you badly.
Your friends, family members, and strangers don’t know what relationship you are in so they may be making assumptions based on their own relationship’s inadequacy.
Relationships take work, but if one person is always doing more than the other, it can leave you feeling insecure.
Because one person may believe they are being neglected or taken for granted by their spouse, If you feel like you are doing more work in your relationship, try to communicate with your partner about it.
Let them know you feel this way. Both sides of the equation are affected by this difference and no communication can ruin your relationship.
Relationships should be based on love and respect. If either of these things is missing, then it can cause doubt in the relationship.
If your partner doesn’t show you enough affection or appreciation for what you do for them, it can make you feel insecure about yourself and the relationship.
Try to discuss the problem with your spouse honestly and openly. If they don’t want to change, you might be forced to make an unpleasant choice about your relationship.
A relationship’s past may also produce anxiety. Sometimes we feel attached to people who remind us of our first love or another person from our past. We do this because we feel like we need to be with them in order to get over our past.
However, if your ex-partner did something terrible or cheated on you, then these unresolved issues may cause problems when you are with someone new.
If you feel like the insecurity is only related to your ex, speak to a relationship coach about what happened and try to put it behind you.
What Can you Do About Insecurity in your Relationship?
Identify What Makes You Feel Insecure:
The first thing you should do when you’re feeling insecure in a relationship is try to identify it. Whether that anxiety stems from low self-confidence, the fear of being deceived, the fear of missing out, or any other sort of worry.
Whatever it is that causes you negative emotions of discomfort and doubt. If you’re able to identify it, I want you to grab a piece of paper and write it down. Write down every single thing that you think and feel and list your fears and worries.
Once you’ve finished that, take a look at everything that you’ve written and really confront those thoughts one by one. Tell yourself “yes but” or “no but” to every little negative thought. Don’t allow those concerns to dominate your thinking because there’s a good probability that you have a distorted view of the situation.
I know it can be hard to not feel insecure when someone else is giving you a seemingly valid reason but if you don’t believe it at first, no one will.
If those doubts are really eating away at you and clouding your judgment then I want you to tell yourself that you know 100% that your partner isn’t cheating on you. Remember that it might be your imagination, and reconsider those irrational thoughts.
Ways To Improve & Overcome Insecurities:
You Need To Date Yourself:
It can be really easy to get lost in a relationship with someone else but when I talked about self-love last week, I meant two different things that are both super important. One way to love yourself is to have fun by yourself and that means doing things you enjoy by yourself.
Whether it’s watching your favorite TV shows, reading books, playing video games, working out, drawing, writing… whatever! You can do all of those things on your own so why not? Just because you have a boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t mean that you should stop doing those things.
In fact, I’d argue that it’s more important to do those things as much as possible because they’ll increase your self-worth and self-esteem! You need to date yourself so you can really appreciate who you are which will only enhance one’s mental health.
Get to The Root Cause of The Insecurity:
Dive into where this fear is coming from. If your anxiety stems from the worry that your partner will cheat on you, you’re constantly seeking to manage them, nagging them, stalking them, or basically accusing them, then you need to ask yourself a tough question. Do you trust them? Is there a fear of losing them? Fear of being alone?
Feeling insecure in the relationship is usually caused by either the circumstances that are affecting both of you, one of you, or simply yourself. If your partner is aware of your insecurities and they feed them then there needs to be a discussion. Talk it out with them, because if you go on like this, then the relationship will eventually crumble under pressure.
If your insecurities are coming from within yourself (that’s not uncommon), then you need to confront that part of your personality and start working on fixing it. Low self-esteem is a leading cause of insecurities within a person.
If you just allow your insecurities to take control of your life, your choices, your mentality, your language, and your relationship with your partner, they will only get worse. This will push any partner you have a relationship with away.
On the other hand, if you communicate your feelings to your partner in a constructive way and work together on ways to resolve the insecurity in your relationship, or at least start making an effort to let your partner know what you want and need from them, and you can be one of the many couples who live perfectly content lives together.
Work with a Therapist/Coach:
If you’re struggling and feel you need a relationship coach, then don’t let anything stop you from working with someone that understands you while creating a safe environment to work through insecurities can be life-changing.
Working with a Coach will go a long way in teaching you how to see the insecurities for what they are, when to trust them and when they need to be worked on. Sometimes this anxiety is intuition trying to warn you, so you need to understand the differences.
Don’t Lose Site of Your Strengths:
When you are feeling like an insecure person, focus on your good qualities and not always on your unhealthy behavior. Bring things to the present moment and really evaluate them.
Are you worthy of love? “Yes” Are you good at what you do for work or school? “Yes” Focus on these things and remember that none of us are perfect. All relationships contain some sort of struggle, but if all the good qualities outnumber bad qualities then be happy with yourself!
You can overcome insecurities in a relationship. Even if you can’t get rid of them, there are ways to minimize them so they don’t have a negative impact. Build trust by trusting your partner and that stems from trusting yourself.
Be proud of who you are and what you bring to the table, then you will begin to feel secure in your relationship! Going forward you attract healthy relationships that add meaning and value to this life experience.