Have you ever encountered a Narcissist? If you have, then there’s a strong chance that they may have caused you some problems trying to establish narcissist control/dominance over you. Emotional control is what narcissists crave more than anything else, and it can become an all-consuming obsession for them if they don’t get their way.

It’s almost tough to figure out what these individuals are thinking since they’re as deceptive as they are… Emotional control is something that every narcissist craves the most, and we believe we’ve got a good idea of why…

The Need For Their Admiration

One of the problems that narcissists have is an overwhelming sense of entitlement. They expect everyone to look up to them because they’re better, and they need that admiration to sustain their inflated ego. This is where the emotional control comes in because they will do anything to stop anyone from challenging their authority or calling them out on their bullshit.

By establishing dominance over someone and making them feel inferior, the narcissist can then bask in the glow of all that admiration they so desperately need. The feeling of being in control and having a puppet to play with is what narcissists crave the most.

They want to be able to twist that person around their finger, making them do whatever they please. The victim becomes nothing more than a tool for the narcissistic person to use and abuse as they see fit. This is why it is so important for the narcissistic individual to establish who is at the top of the food chain.

As far as they are concerned, you are nothing but their narcissistic supply, and that will never change. You simply do not matter in the bigger picture, only them. Emotional control over someone is very important for a narcissist because it feeds into their ego and reinforces how superior they are to everyone else. Emotional control is at the very core of what a narcissist craves, by making someone feel inferior makes them look up to the narcissist even more.

Why Does a Narcissist Want to Control You?

A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder craves emotional control over their victims. They want to be in charge of how you feel and what you do. They use manipulation tactics and coercion to get what they want. By controlling your emotions, they can keep you under their thumb.

They can also make you feel like it’s your fault when things go wrong. Narcissists crave control because they are out of control themselves. They create chaos to hide their lack of empathy and competence and ability. By controlling you, they escape accountability for their actions and the narcissistic abuse continues.

How do narcissists keep you under control?

A narcissist like a plane on autopilot will minimize their bad behavior and blame others as much as possible. They live in a state of denial and projection.

They keep you under narcissist control with their words, actions, and withholding of love, approval, and support. Narcissists are experts at playing the victim and making you feel like you are the one who is always wrong. They will twist reality to make it seem like you are the one who is causing all the problems in the relationship.

If you begin to call them out, the narcissist will go into a rage in order to regain the narcissist’s control over you. They know by minimizing the issues, it is hard to consistently argue with them and you eventually give up trying.

A narcissist will also use their charm, good looks, intelligence, or power over you to keep you under their thumb. They know how to make you feel inferior so you will comply with their wishes.

In the end, a narcissist wants to be in control of your every thought, feeling, and action. This is how they can get you to do their bidding even when it hurts you. They use your insecurity, doubts, fears, and insecurities to make you feel like you are the crazy one. If you ever try to break free or leave them they will lash out in rage.

A narcissist’s goal is to have you begging them to take you back, no matter how bad the abuse is. They use every form of control over you so they always have an upper hand in the relationship.

What Feeds The Narcissist?

Narcissists seek emotional control to gain emotional reactions as well as a form of perverted gratification from the reactions they instigate. The majority of their narcissistic supply is derived from outside sources, such as watching the narcissist perform. In this sense, there are two types of tools with which a narcissist seeks to gain power over others:

Material and Psychological Tools:

Reacting to a material object, gaining value from the object itself. For instance, a narcissistic leader may collect cars or houses, while a narcissist in the home may care about his own appearance more than that of his spouse or children.

Reacting to psychological tools, such as emotions elicited by an “emotional” scene enacted by the narcissist – for example involving infidelity, lying, or betrayal.

A tool can also be an action-oriented statement of fact (“I will kill you”, “I own you”) that is meant to incite a reaction.

Narcissists want an emotional reaction and will accept positive or negative, it doesn’t matter to them. They will often discard people when they are no longer useful, but not always. Some narcissists have been known to keep former sources of supply around as long as they continue to provide reactions, even if those reactions are now negative.

Narcissists will Make You Feel Special…

They are master manipulators, oftentimes using other people’s desires to make themselves feel special. They go out of their way not because it’s the right thing to do but rather for selfish reasons to control others and get what they want. Playing on your desires in order to manipulate you is a form of control they seek. My ex-mother-in-law was great at manipulating others against her own unaware spouse.

They Play Games, One Minute They Love You, The Next They Hate You…

They are also known for playing mind games. In the beginning, you may think they love you and everything is going great. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, they turn on you making it seem as though everything that happened between them was a lie. They can do this within minutes or in a span of a week it’s all about control. This type of behavior is known as “love-bombing” and it’s a way to reel you in closer so they can have more control over you.

They Are Highly Critical…

They are also highly critical of those around them, oftentimes finding faults with even the smallest things. For example, my ex would always find a way to criticize the way I cooked even though it was edible. This is another way they get control over their victims, by making them feel insecure and inadequate.

They Are Always Right…

Narcissists are always right, no matter what the topic of discussion is. If you try to argue with them about their behavior or make a valid point they will cut you off from any type of response and invalidate your opinion. You’ll find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t even do or shouldn’t have to apologize for.

Narcissists also have to be right all the time. In their eyes, they can do no wrong. If you confront them about their wrongdoings, they will lash out at you and make you feel like the bad guy.

They Ignore Your Needs…

Last but not least, narcissists have no regard for your needs. They will steamroll right over you without a second thought and not listen to anything you have to say. They are only concerned with what they want and their needs will always come first, no matter what.

If you’re in a toxic relationship with a narcissist or know someone who is, it’s important to be aware of these controlling behaviors. By understanding how they operate, you can start to put up boundaries and protect yourself from their abuse.

Controlling a Codependent…

One of the most reliable strategies to manipulate a codependent is to appeal to their emotions and sympathies. A covert narcissist will find ways to make themselves the victim, making the codependent feel as though they need to take care of them. They will also make the codependent feel guilty for not being there for them or for not doing enough. You will never be enough for a covert narcissist, and they will continue to want more from you.

Narcissists Want Emotional Manipulation…

They want to be in charge of how you feel and what you do. Emotions are an essential element of the human experience. When we allow another person to influence our emotions we give them power over our lives. Narcissists want this type of control so they can feel powerful and in charge. They also get a thrill from the chaos and drama their behavior produces. It’s like a roller coaster ride for them and they love to see how much they can get away with it. One of the best books on the market is written by Jackson McKenzie “Psychopath Free”.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or know someone who is, it’s important to be aware of these controlling behaviors. By understanding how they operate, you can start to put up boundaries and protect yourself from their abuse.

Final Thoughts…

If you are involved with a narcissist you will need emotional support from friends and family to heal from the psychological damage that has been done. You deserve better treatment than what a narcissist can offer. There is hope for healing and narcissistic abuse recovery.

You will not be able to have a healthy relationship until you have dealt with the pain of the past toxic relationship. Seek assistance from a psychologist/coach who is familiar with narcissistic abuse. You are not insane; you’re just in an awful, abusive relationship. If You feel You are ready to move forward, schedule a session today!!