So, How Do You Recover from Narcissistic Abuse?…
You’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist—a person who has an inflated sense of self-importance, and preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, and brilliance.
You may have spent years trying to satisfy the needs of this person only to find that you were never enough. It can be difficult to think about moving on from such a damaging experience.
How do you recover from narcissistic abuse? The first step is recognizing that you are not alone and there are ways to heal yourself after spending time with someone who had little empathy for your feelings of pain.
Next, take care of yourself by getting the right amount of sleep, eating healthy foods, and spending time with friends when possible. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal so you can have a life that is more fulfilling.
Begin to Practice Self-Care…
Recognize that you are not the only person who has been hurt by a narcissist and find resources that offer support and coping mechanisms for getting through this difficult time in your life. For example, you may want to find a therapist/coach who can help you deal with the way narcissistic abuse has affected you so as you heal you can learn how to build healthier relationships in the future.
Steps to Recovery…
Recovery is possible after an abusive relationship. It can be hard, but it can also be rewarding. Recovery is about working on the relationship you have with yourself first and then other relationships become better too.
In taking steps towards recovery and healing, it is important to take a look at what factors are at play in the toxic relationship. Below is a list that is used in my 8-week program that clients begin to work on immediately which will help them start the journey to recovering from narcissistic abuse and other toxic relationships.
1. Understand how narcissistic abuse works and what it does to someone who has been through it…
It is helpful to get accurate information about abuse. There are lots of websites and books with information so in this day and age, you can arm yourself easily with knowledge. When someone is abusing you, it feels like it’s your fault and like everything bad that has happened was because of you. Know that it is not your fault a narcissist chose abuse over love.
It is not your responsibility to fix the narcissist. It’s not your job to try and change them. This type of codependency is a major factor in why people stay in these abusive relationships or it gets in the way of you being able to bring it to an end.
2. Think less about the narcissist and think more about yourself…
For recovery to begin, you will need to stop focusing on the other person and start focusing more on yourself.
People who are not in recovery often focus on the other person. They know what the other person does, how they feel, and what they want or need.
But people who are in recovery learn to focus more on themselves. They put the focus on themselves and aren’t focusing on a selfish narcissist anymore. If you remain focused on the narcissist, it can be hard to be present with your own feelings and needs.
This type of recovery is life-changing, you begin to be the person you always needed others to be.
3. You begin to practice self-awareness so you are mindful of what’s happening within yourself…
Healthy boundaries are important in any relationship. They are the core of any good relationship. If you have healthy boundaries, you will be able to end or protect yourself from abusive relationships.
It’s hard to have healthy boundaries when you are anxious or feel guilty. If you want to be comfortable with your boundaries, it is important to learn how to manage your feelings of guilt, shame, fear, or anxiety. Otherwise, an abuser can use those feelings against you in order for them to stop you from holding any boundaries.
This is one way they control people. Sometimes people want other things from us and it can be hard to say no. We have feelings that are hard to deal with, but we need to find a way we can still have healthy boundaries in relationships. Boundaries are a protective measure against toxic relationships.
Mindfulness, Mindfulness, Mindfulness is another practice we implement to recognize what you are feeling so you can learn to see them for what they are and begin allowing them to go. I stress this a lot and often to my clients and it has been super successful.
4. Hold Strong Healthy Boundaries…
Narcissists do not respect boundaries. They push others and try to manipulate them. Narcissists often attack the other person’s self-confidence and self-esteem, which is confusing and frustrating. This can be very damaging to relationships.
Narcissists are hard to deal with. They never take responsibility for their actions or the situations that they are in. Instead, they blame other people.
People who have narcissistic traits don’t feel bad about it either because they think that everything is someone else’s fault. It is not your fault when a narcissist does this to you, but it can be tough to deal with them when they do this kind of thing all the time.
This is why holding strong boundaries is very important. With healthy boundaries, people can say no to narcissistic abusers and protect themselves from their abuse.
5. Create Your Own Healthy Boundaries That Fit Your Life Values…
Clear boundaries are important. It can help show you what is your responsibility and what is not. Your boundaries also show what you want or do not want. Sharing your personal boundaries might tell other people about your values too.
You can find your boundaries by thinking about the times when you felt good and bad. You can also do some self-reflection to find out what makes you feel cared for/unattended, respected/disrespected, valued/worthless, and so forth.
A healthy boundary helps protect you from being manipulated by narcissistic people who lack empathy. Narcissists believe they are better than other people and have a strong sense of entitlement, which makes them think that it is okay to harm others for their own purposes.
They will use anyone who gives them what they want without caring about how you feel. In order to recover from narcissistic abuse, you need to know your boundaries so you can set limits with narcissistic bullies.
Setting your boundaries helps you regain a sense of control over what happens to you by making it clear that there is only so much hurtful behavior that you are willing to tolerate or better yet have zero tolerance for.
6. Create a Self-Care Practice…
Many people who grew up in families where they had to take care of others may have learned to not think about themselves. Maybe the message was that they should be a caregiver, do what others won’t, or fix problems for them.
This could mean that they do not get their own needs met. So the adult version will not know how to meet their own needs and be co-dependent on others to meet their needs.
This is not BAD as some would say, it was simply not something we were taught in the environment we were raised in. For many, this can trigger toxic shame and it will prevent them from empowering themselves.
Self-care is all about taking care of yourself in order to feel good and stay healthy. It should not be confused with selfishness, which means you don’t consider how your actions might affect others and can have a negative impact on them.
Self-care is the opposite: it focuses on what you need in order for you to have a healthy relationship with yourself and others.
Narcissistic abusers cannot be trusted to have a healthy relationship with you, and they do not want you to have one either. That is why it is essential for you to care for yourself.
Self-care will help you focus on what makes your life happy, satisfying, and stress-free, which will help in your recovery from narcissistic abuse.
7. Be Patient With Yourself…
Everyone’s path of self-discovery is different, and everyone heals at their own pace as well. Recovery is a very personal experience that varies for each person who has experienced narcissistic abuse.
It might take some time to recover because you are learning something new as well-you are learning to take care of yourself, meet your own needs, identify and set boundaries, and most importantly learn how to trust again.
Gaining back your self-trust might take some time because you have been hurt by someone who was supposed to care for you but instead caused harm.
You can start trusting yourself by making sure that even just one person will not take advantage of you. As time passes, you will feel more comfortable being alone and trusting yourself with others.
8. Spend Time With Friends…
Having friends who are caring and supportive can help you recover from narcissistic abuse. You need to create a support system by surrounding yourself with people who care about your well-being. You can keep in touch with friends and family members who you care about, especially if they have cared for you as well.
But it’s important to recognize that there will be people who cannot relate to what happened or are not able to support you because they may also have experienced narcissistic abuse before.
It is okay to take some time away from them until you have healed and are more emotionally stable. There is no reason to force yourself to be around people who do not understand what you are going through when they will only cause more pain for you.
On the other hand, there are also friends who may have experienced narcissistic abuse in their lives before and can be helpful because they know how it feels.
They can help you understand what is going on and they will be able to listen when you need someone to talk to about your feelings. You may even be able to find friends who have overcome narcissistic abuse in their lives, which can also give you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
9. Hire a Coach That Has Walked in your Path…
The past isn’t always something we can let go of easily. We want to move on but the memories and feelings associated with those experiences stop us from doing so. A coach that has been through narcissistic abuse can guide you along the way and allow you to see things from a different perspective-one in which you are not drowning, losing hope, and feeling hopeless.
A coach who specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery also knows what you are going through and can help you deal with issues such as trust, your self-worth, and the like. They will be able to support you along your journey while also being proactive so that you don’t have to struggle with these issues on your own.
You should find a coach that is familiar with the signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse and knows how to help you get back on your feet again. You need someone who will provide accountability, motivation, and encouragement so that you can feel confident in your skills while also believing that recovery is possible.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is going to take time, but it will be worth it in the end. You need to find a coach that you can trust and connect with on a personal level so that they can help you understand what has happened as well as what may happen along your path toward recovery.
Becoming conscious of your thoughts is the first step in putting yourself back together. If you’re ready to take that step, I invite you to join our 8-week Narcissistic Abuse Program. You will learn how narcissistic abuse works and what it does to someone who has been through such traumatic experiences.
We hope this post gives you a better understanding of narcissism and why there is no reason for self-blame or shame when dealing with these types of people. Our program provides an opportunity for healing from trauma by providing tools and techniques on how to heal from emotional pain, break free from toxic relationships, and live life with more confidence than ever before!
Join me today so we can help get your life back on track by working directly 1|1 with Me!!