Feelings of inadequacy in a relationship or general insecurities might harm your connection. We understand they can originate from a past relationship and carry over into a new relationship, but we must ensure that we are in control of them so that we don’t sabotage our chances at love.

In this post, I’ll discuss how to deal with relationship insecurity, particularly how to handle your insecurities.

Today’s theme is all about what happens when you allow anxiety and feelings of insecurity to dominate your decisions, thinking, and actions and they begin to harm your relationship.

Insecurities and anxiety are natural aspects of life. I believe, we frequently feel guilty for having them because we compare ourselves to others’ unions and assume that they are simply confident, thriving, and just flawless. But it’s time to have a reality check.

What happens is that if you haven’t dealt with past baggage or even present problems in your relationship, you may end up feeling like you’re not ‘good enough’ or that your partner will cheat on you (and even leave you!).

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even if you’re not doing anything wrong, your insecurity may still be triggered. The problem, therefore, is: what can you do about it?

As an Embodiment Coach and self-development writer, I’ll share with you some things to keep in mind. But before that, let’s first look at what insecurity is all about.

The History of Insecurity in a Relationship:

I know it sounds ironic, but insecurity is essentially a defense mechanism that was designed to protect you.

I’ve dealt with numerous clients who had difficulties managing their connections as a result of insecurities caused by childhood trauma or even previous life events.

This allowed them to avoid taking responsibility for their feelings and to instead blame others for the negative beliefs that have been created from negative thought processes which slowly eroded their confidence.

So to truly overcome insecurity, you have to acknowledge it. If you don’t realize that the way you feel is because of your history (or past life), there’ll be no motivation to change it or get over it.

Once you know what’s causing your fears and anxieties, then you can start working toward healing them.

Some of my clients feel like they’re too old to change. Well, if you’re reading this now, then I’m excited to tell you that it is never too late.

There is still hope if you want to improve your self-confidence while living a joyful life and no longer feeling insecure in your relationship.

History of insecurity — meditation for insecurity in relationships

Signs of Relationship Insecurity

Indicators of Insecurity in Romantic Relationships

Insecurity in relationships can manifest in several distressing patterns that undermine trust and connection. Here are some common signs:

Frequent Check-ins: You find yourself constantly texting or calling to check where your partner is when they’re not with you.
Doubt Over Fidelity: There’s a persistent fear that your partner might be unfaithful, despite a lack of evidence.
Jealousy Issues: You feel envious and resentful towards the people your partner spends time with, including close friends and family.
Verification Need: You struggle to take your partner’s word at face value, often feeling the need to confirm the details.
Fear of Abandonment: There’s an underlying worry that your partner might end the relationship unexpectedly.
Seeking Reassurance: You often seek compliments and validation from your partner as a way to bolster your self-esteem.

Understanding and addressing these signs can be a step toward fostering a healthier, more secure relationship.

What Can you Do About Insecurity in your Relationship?

Improving Relationship Security: Practical Steps

Navigating the turbulent waters of insecurity in relationships can be challenging, but adopting some strategic approaches can help anchor your emotions and foster a healthier connection with your partner. Here are some practical steps to consider:

Pinpoint Your Triggers: Start by identifying specific situations or topics that spark your insecurity. Pay attention to recurring themes in your reactions, which can highlight underlying issues needing attention.
Enhance Communication: Foster an environment where open and honest communication is the norm. Discuss your feelings of insecurity without casting blame. For example, rather than saying, “You make me anxious when…,” try, “I feel anxious when…”
Share Your Feelings: It’s crucial to express your emotions clearly and constructively. Practice framing your feelings in a way that focuses on your experience rather than your partner’s actions.
Practice Active Listening: When your partner speaks, really listen. Try to understand their perspective fully, which can help you see how your insecurities might not always align with their intentions.
Keep a Journal: Writing down your thoughts can be a therapeutic way to deal with insecurity. Journal regularly about your feelings and triggers. Consider engaging in couples journaling to deepen trust and understanding.
Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, professional insight is needed to unpack the complexities of your feelings. A therapist can provide objective guidance on how to manage and overcome insecurity within your relationship.

Toxic relationship — how to get rid of relationship insecurities

Additional Ways To Improve & Overcome Insecurities:

You Need To Date Yourself:

It can be really easy to get lost in a relationship with someone else but when I talked about self-love last week, I meant two different things that are both super important. One way to love yourself is to have fun by yourself and that means doing things you enjoy by yourself.

Whether it’s watching your favorite TV shows, reading books, playing video games, working out, drawing, writing… whatever! You can do all of those things on your own so why not? Just because you have a boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t mean that you should stop doing those things.

I’d argue that it’s more important to do those things as much as possible because they’ll increase your self-worth and self-esteem! You need to date yourself so you can appreciate who you are which will only enhance one’s mental health.

Get to The Root Cause of The Insecurity:

Dive into where this fear is coming from. If your anxiety stems from the worry that your partner will cheat on you, you’re constantly seeking to manage them, nagging them, stalking them, or basically accusing them, then you need to ask yourself a tough question. Do you trust them? Is there a fear of losing them? Fear of being alone?

Feeling insecure in the relationship is usually caused by either the circumstances that are affecting both of you, one of you, or simply yourself. If your partner is aware of your insecurities and they feed them then there needs to be a discussion.

Talk it out with them, because if you go on like this, then the relationship will eventually crumble under pressure.

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If your insecurities are coming from within yourself (that’s not uncommon), then you need to confront that part of your personality and start working on fixing it. Low self-esteem is a leading cause of insecurities within a person.

Positive Communication:

If you just allow your insecurities to take control of your life, your choices, your mentality, your language, and your relationship with your partner, they will only get worse. This will push any partner you have a relationship with away.

On the other hand, if you communicate your feelings to your partner in a constructive way and work together on ways to resolve the insecurity in your relationship, or at least start making an effort to let your partner know what you want and need from them, and you can be one of the many couples who live perfectly content lives together.

Self empowerment — how to get rid of relationship insecurities

Work with a Therapist/Coach:

If you’re struggling and feel you need a relationship coach, then don’t let anything stop you from working with someone who understands you while creating a safe environment to work through insecurities can be life-changing.

Working with a Coach will go a long way in teaching you how to see the insecurities for what they are when to trust them, and when they need to be worked on. Sometimes this anxiety is intuition trying to warn you, so you need to understand the differences.

Don’t Lose Site of Your Strengths:

When you are feeling like an insecure person, focus on your good qualities and not always on your unhealthy behavior. Bring things to the present moment and evaluate them.

Are you worthy of love? “Yes,” Are you good at what you do for work or school? “Yes” Focus on these things and remember that none of us are perfect. All relationships contain some sort of struggle, but if all the good qualities outnumber the bad qualities then be happy with yourself!

You can overcome insecurities in a relationship. Even if you can’t get rid of them, there are ways to minimize them so they don’t have a negative impact. Build trust by trusting your partner and that stems from trusting yourself.

Be proud of who you are and what you bring to the table, then you will begin to feel secure in your relationship! Going forward you attract healthy relationships that add meaning and value to this life experience.

Namaste!