Women who have a hard time with self-love will display these 8 behaviors (without knowing it)

Ever wonder what “self-love” really means? When I first heard about it, I pictured lazy spa days and treating myself to extra slices of cake on the weekend. Boy, was I off the mark!

Self-love is like being your own best friend. It’s all about treating yourself with kindness, understanding who you are, forgiving yourself when you mess up, and making sure you’re feeling good, both inside and out.

Sharon Martin, an amazing person who knows a lot about feelings (her official title is Psychotherapist), says the self-love journey is about embracing every bit of yourself, being nice to yourself, and making sure you’re healthy and happy.

But here’s the kicker: loving yourself isn’t a walk in the park. I’ve been there, struggling to give myself a high-five, thinking it should be a breeze. But, sticking to it, I’ve come a long way in being kinder to myself.

And guess what? It’s not just me. Loads of girls and women find this self-love thing a tough cookie to crack, and the crazy part is, that many don’t even realize they’re struggling with it. Are you nodding along? Might you be one of them?

So, I’m laying down the cards today. I’m talking about 8 signs that show when a woman is having a hard time with self-love. Recognizing the issue is the first step to getting better, right? Let’s dive in and find out more about these behaviors.

8 Traits a woman Might display when she has a hard time with self-love

1. Struggling to Set and Keep Boundaries

Okay, setting boundaries should be as easy as pie, right? But it’s not always that simple. Imagine boundaries as invisible lines that tell people what’s okay and what’s not okay with you. For ladies having a tough time loving themselves, drawing these lines can feel like climbing a mountain—super daunting.

Why is this so hard? Well, when you don’t feel great about yourself, it’s tougher to stand up and say, “Hey, that’s not cool with me.” You might worry more about keeping everyone else happy instead of looking out for what you need.

Take my friend Amanda, for example. She’s not super confident and finds it hard to stick to her boundaries. If someone crosses a line, she might let it slide because the idea of standing up for herself feels too scary.

But here’s the deal: having strong boundaries is a big part of loving yourself. If setting and keeping them feels impossible, it’s a sign you need to work on that self-love.

2. Being Way Too Hard on Yourself

Ever felt like you’re your own toughest critic? That’s a classic sign of struggling with self-love. Imagine you’ve got one rulebook for your friends—full of kindness and understanding—and another for yourself, filled with impossible standards. Sounds familiar?

If you’re nodding along, you might be doing things that make loving yourself a challenge, like:

But think about it: would you ever be that harsh on a friend? Nope! You’d be cheering them on, telling them it’s okay to make mistakes. So why not treat yourself with the same love and respect?

Diane Furstenberg, a famous fashion designer, once said, “When a woman becomes her own best friend, life is easier.” And she’s right. Why not start being that friend to yourself?

3. Finding It Hard to Ask for Help

Ever feel like asking for help is the hardest quiz question ever? You’re not alone. A lot of people, especially women, find it super tricky to reach out and say, “Hey, I could use a hand with this.” It’s like there’s this big, scary monster called ‘fear of judgment’ that keeps them from asking.

Back when I was younger, asking for help felt like admitting I was the only one who didn’t get the joke. I was scared people would think less of me, like I was the only one who couldn’t do everything on my own.

But here’s the secret I learned: no one— and I mean no one—gets through life solo. Asking for help isn’t about being weak; it’s about being brave. And guess what? It shows you’re pretty smart and honest with yourself.

Anne Wilson Schaef, a super wise psychologist, said it best: “Asking for help does not mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence.”

So, flipping the script and seeing asking for help as a cool move can make loving yourself a whole lot easier. It’s like unlocking a superpower you didn’t know you had!

4. Constantly Seeking Validation from Others

Okay, let’s talk about feeling awesome. Everyone wants to feel like they’re doing great, right? That’s where validation comes in. It’s like a high-five for your feelings, telling you that you’re heard and understood.

But here’s the thing: there are two types of high-fives. External high-fives come from other people—your friends, family, or even your Instagram followers. Internal high-fives are the ones you give yourself.

Some folks, especially those who are a bit shaky on the self-love front, are always waiting for someone else to give them that high-five. They’re like, “Please tell me I’m good enough,” because they find it super hard to tell themselves that.

Sharon Martin, a therapist who knows what’s up, says relying on others for your feel-good high-fives means you’re letting them decide if you’re awesome or not. And that’s a big no-no for loving yourself.

This high-five hunt is a sign that it’s time to start pumping up your self-esteem like it’s a flat bike tire. Once you start believing in your awesomeness, you won’t need everyone else’s high-fives to feel great. And that, my friend, is when you’re starting to love yourself.

5. They Talk Down to Themselves

Imagine if every day, like a playlist on repeat, your brain mostly played songs titled “I’m Not Good Enough” or “I Can’t Do Anything Right.” Sounds exhausting, right? Well, according to some brainy folks who study our thoughts, most of us have between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts each day, and guess what? A whopping 80% of those thoughts are not exactly cheering us on.

This kind of negative chit-chat we have with ourselves is what experts call “negative self-talk.” It’s like having a tiny critic inside your head that never takes a break. For women finding it hard to wrap themselves in a big ol’ self-love hug, this internal critic can be particularly loud and mean.

If you catch yourself being your own biggest bully, remember, it’s the first sign you need to change the tune of your internal playlist.

Recognizing you’re doing it is step one. The next step? Figuring out why you’re being so hard on yourself. Once you start working on that, loving yourself gets a whole lot easier.

6. They Always Put Everyone Else First

You know in movies when they’re on an airplane and they say you should put your oxygen mask on before helping others? There’s a big life lesson there: you can’t help anyone else if you’re running on empty.

But here’s the thing: some women are so busy taking care of everyone else that they forget to take care of themselves. It’s like they’re constantly at the bottom of their to-do list, buried under a mountain of other people’s needs.

Skipping out on things like yoga, writing down your thoughts, or just getting enough sleep isn’t a luxury—it’s essential. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Why? Because it helps you reduce stress, feel happier, and build stronger relationships with the people around you.

Neglecting your own needs is a big red flag that you’re not giving yourself the love you deserve. It’s time to flip the script and start putting yourself at the top of your priority list. Trust me, taking care of yourself and loving yourself? They go hand in hand.

7. They’re Afraid to Follow Their Dreams

Ever had a big, exciting dream, like becoming a famous artist, a scientist who discovers new things, or starting your own YouTube channel about video games? But then, a little voice inside you says, “Nah, I can’t do that.” This is a classic sign of not loving yourself enough to believe in your dreams.

Women who are struggling with self-love often keep their dreams locked up tight. They might think they’re not smart enough, talented enough, or just plain “enough” to make their dreams come true. It’s like they have this amazing treasure chest of ideas and passions, but they’re too scared to open it.

The truth is, following your dreams takes a big heart full of self-love. It means you have to trust yourself and believe you’re worthy of achieving great things. If you find yourself doubting your dreams before you even give them a shot, it might be time to work on loving yourself a bit more. Remember, every big achievement starts with believing in yourself.

8. They Struggle to Enjoy Their Own Company

Have you ever felt weird or lonely just hanging out by yourself? It can feel kind of awkward, right? But here’s a little secret: being able to enjoy your own company is a huge sign of self-love.

Women who find it hard to love themselves might not like spending time alone. They might feel restless, bored, or even sad when they’re not around other people. It’s like they need constant company to avoid listening to their thoughts or facing how they feel about themselves.

Learning to enjoy your own company means getting comfortable with who you are when no one else is around. It’s about finding joy in solitude—maybe reading a book, drawing, dancing like nobody’s watching, or just sitting quietly and thinking cool thoughts.

If you’re not there yet, don’t worry. It’s another part of the journey to loving yourself more. Start with small moments of doing things you love alone, and watch how your self-love grows.

Final Thought

As we come to the end of our exploration into the signs of struggling with self-love, it’s clear that loving ourselves isn’t always as straightforward as we’d like.

From setting boundaries and silencing our inner critic to dreaming big and enjoying our own company, each sign is a step on the path to a deeper, more fulfilling relationship with ourselves.

But here’s the good news: each of these signs also points the way to growth. By recognizing and addressing them, we’re not just working on our self-love; we’re building self-compassion, self-care practices, self-esteem, and, most importantly, our self-worth.

Self-love is the foundation upon which we build a life that feels good from the inside out. It’s about giving ourselves the same kindness, care, and respect that we’d offer to someone we love deeply.

Remember, self-compassion is your superpower. It’s the gentle, understanding voice that says, “It’s okay, I’m learning and growing, and I’m proud of the journey I’m on.”

So, if you’ve seen yourself in any of these behaviors, know that you’re not alone. These aren’t flaws but rather opportunities to love yourself more deeply.

Start small, with daily acts of self-care, whether that’s a five-minute meditation, writing down three things you’re grateful for, or simply taking a moment to breathe and be present with yourself.

Your self-esteem and self-worth will grow from these small seeds of self-love and self-compassion. And as they do, you’ll find that you’re not just surviving; you’re thriving, filled with a deep, unwavering love for the incredible person you are.

Remember, the journey to self-love is uniquely yours, but you don’t have to walk it alone. Reach out, share your experiences, and let’s lift each other. Because when it comes down to it, self-love isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s essential for a happy, fulfilling life.

Let’s make a promise to ourselves today: to start treating ourselves with the love, respect, and kindness we deserve. After all, the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.

Embrace your journey to self-love, and watch as the world opens up in beautiful, unexpected ways.