5 Ways Narcissistic Abuse Can Change You (2024)

Have you ever felt like being around a narcissist is draining the life out of you? Like they’re slowly sucking your soul dry, leaving nothing but emptiness behind?

It’s not just in your head. Narcissistic abuse can cause real, lasting changes to who you are, and the effects can be more profound than you might realize.

Today, we’re diving into five scientifically-backed ways that narcissistic abuse can change you, and how these changes can alter your life in ways you might not have expected.

What is Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional manipulation. It occurs when a narcissist exerts control. They do this by demeaning and manipulating others.

Narcissists are experts at exploiting vulnerabilities. Their actions are often subtle and insidious. Victims may feel confused or isolated.

Narcissists typically lack empathy and self-awareness. They manipulate others to serve their own needs. This abuse can happen in various relationships. It might occur in romantic, familial, or work settings. The abuse often involves gaslighting and constant criticism.

Over time, this abuse wears down the victim’s self-esteem. The victim may begin doubting their reality. Narcissistic abuse leaves deep emotional scars. It affects the victim’s mental and emotional health.

Recognizing narcissistic abuse is the first step. Victims often struggle to break free. The manipulation can be highly effective. Narcissists make the victim feel dependent. This abuse can take a significant toll. It’s essential to seek support and guidance.

Narcissistic abuse is a complex, damaging experience. Understanding the 5 ways Narcissistic Abuse can change you is crucial to healing.

5 Ways Narcissistic Abuse Can Change You

1. Literal Brain Damage

Our brains are incredibly intricate and delicate, a complex puzzle of interconnected parts that work together to keep us functioning. But when one part of the brain is repeatedly stimulated or altered, the others must adjust, sometimes with lasting consequences.

Narcissistic abuse can lead to significant changes in your brain, particularly in the amygdala and hippocampus. These areas are crucial for managing emotions and memories.

According to research by educator Kim Saeed, long-term narcissistic abuse can damage your amygdala, which controls your fight-or-flight response, to become hyperactive.

This leaves you constantly on edge, feeling like you’re in a perpetual state of emergency. Simultaneously, the hippocampus, vital for short-term memory, can diminish in function, making you more susceptible to gaslighting and manipulation.

These brain changes are not just theoretical—they’re a huge, concrete way that narcissistic abuse can fundamentally change who you are.

2. Unknowingly Becoming Part of the Cycle

Think about a child throwing a tantrum in a store. You might sympathize because they can’t articulate their needs. But what if you saw a teenager doing the same thing? You’d probably judge them differently, perhaps wondering why they haven’t outgrown such behavior.

The same principle applies to how narcissistic abuse can unknowingly pull you into a toxic cycle. If you were raised by a narcissist, you might have been conditioned to see the world only through their eyes.

Researchers at the University of Amsterdam found that children of narcissistic parents are more likely to become narcissists themselves, especially if they don’t consciously work to break the cycle. This conditioning can extend into adulthood, where without even realizing it, you may start adopting narcissistic traits or behaviors.

3. Forced Agreeableness

Remember Pavlov’s dogs? Just as they were conditioned to salivate at the sound of a bell, humans can also be conditioned—especially in environments dominated by narcissists.

When you’re consistently exposed to a narcissist’s outbursts or criticism, you may start changing your behavior to avoid conflict. This often manifests as forced agreeableness, where you become overly accommodating, introverted, or agreeable just to keep the peace.

As researcher Rivka Adri Saidi explains, children raised by authoritative or traumatic parents often grow up with these conditioned traits. While qualities like kindness and agreeableness are generally positive, they can become detrimental if you’re using them to dodge a narcissist’s wrath rather than acting authentically.

4. PTSD: The Hidden Wound

Abuse is not one-size-fits-all, and neither are its effects. Narcissistic abuse, in particular, can lead to a unique form of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) known as Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome or Narcissistic Victim Syndrome.

This condition can leave you with lingering symptoms like confusion, fear, guilt, shame, low self-esteem, and reduced self-confidence. Psychologist Shirley Porter outlines how prolonged exposure to a narcissist’s manipulation can deeply erode your sense of self.

The longer you remain in this toxic environment, the higher your risk of developing these debilitating thoughts and feelings.

If you’re experiencing these symptoms, it’s important to reach out to a mental health professional who can help you navigate this complex and painful recovery process.

 5. Erosion of Self-Esteem

Have you ever had a day where you felt invincible—your outfit was perfect, and you were ready to conquer the world? Now, imagine how quickly that confidence would crumble if you were constantly under the scrutiny of a narcissist.

In a study conducted by the University of Amsterdam in 2018, researchers found that individuals with low self-esteem are more likely to perceive their narcissistic leaders as abusive.

This creates a vicious cycle where the narcissist’s constant criticism and negativity further diminish the follower’s self-esteem, leading to a decrease in performance and an increase in burnout. The longer you’re exposed to this toxic dynamic, the more your self-worth erodes, leaving you feeling like a shadow of your former self.

Final Thoughts

Narcissistic abuse is like a slow erosion, it might not be immediately visible, but over time, the damage becomes undeniable. From literal brain changes to a deep-seated erosion of self-esteem, the impact of narcissistic abuse is both profound and far-reaching.

If you’ve experienced these changes, know that you’re not alone, and recovery is possible. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can help you rebuild your sense of self and guide you toward healing.

Have you experienced narcissistic abuse? How did it change you? Drop us an email and tell us your story, or if you are stuck, schedule an appointment today!